Screw This Shit.

I know not many people actually read my blog, but sometimes i kinda like it that way.

Why? Well I can rant and release tension here.

Dont you just feel like freezing time, sometimes?

Pausing at that very happy moment of your life, past forgotten and future not feared. 

For me, I'm a carefree easy going chillax slacky girl and most people know that.

I seldom wished time froze, well actually, never.

I just live life the way it goes and remind myself that someday it'll be over.

Right now, i just wanna freaking freeze time.

I dont wanna go to college.

Hell, I'm actually scared of the future.

I'm eighteen, graduated, unemployed and my highest qualification is SPM.

I've been looking for a college, now trap between 2.

INTI College, Penang. 

Segi University, Kuala Lumpur.

The initial plan was to move to KL, stay with my Aunt.

Move from this little island that to me is no more exciting.

Run away from fucking family dramas.

Go to a place where no one knows me and have a fresh start.

Be myself and not be judged based on my past.

But now im totally having second thoughts.

Who do i turn to when i need a shoulder to cry on?

I've got to be on my best behavior even when im at home.

I've gotta be independent.

And most of all, the people that are more like my family than my actual family, The awesome church choir people.

I might sound all holy being in a church choir and all.

Im not. Theres a reason im in.

They are the last people who will actually judge.

They are amusing, they actually care.

They are the reason I'm so excited to go to church.

All the weird funny people with our energetic songs.

Segi KL, pros: fees are affordable, having a room all to myself, freedom, my privacy, having a clean slate, getting to meet new people, having a gym and a swimming pool at the apartment which is motivation for me to lose weight, college surrounded by 8 shopping malls, a friend from penang to keep me company in college, living in a city, Aunt & Uncle & 2 lill cousins to keep me company and reduce my homesick-ness.

cons: the pros of going to segi KL and INTI penang weighs the same to me.

INTI Penang, pros: not leaving penang.

cons: the fees are double Segi's, Its so freaking far from my house, dangerous for me to drive all the way there from tanjung bunga, a 45 min-1hr+ drive (one way) for a 2hrs-6hrs class, everyday.

Why is it that everytime i finally set my mind straight about going to KL, there'll be one person convincing me deeply to not go?

Back when i didnt have to worry about the future.

I have 3 days to figure out what is worth leaving behind.